The Truth about Van Helsing and Dogs (oh what a dog this was)

This is the Van Helsing review that I wrote for IMDB:

Dollar for dollar (and there were a lot of dollars spent on this piece of
garbage), this may be one of the worst movies of the past 5 years. A decent scriptwriter and director should have been included in the huge budget. Even as mindless entertainment goes, "Van Helsing" is a pathetic waste of time. I saw it for free, and I still felt ripped off. The story-bad, special effects-poor, performances by otherwise fine actors-fair to bad,
dialogue-bad, music-inappropriate and annoying.

To paraphrase my friend Will Cockrell:
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1) Take the money you were planning on spending to see Van Helsing, put it in an envelope.
2) Mail it to me.
3) Next time I see you I'll show you a picture of Kate Beckinsale
in a corset, we'll watch about an hours worth of bad video game cutscenes, and I'll punch you in the crotch.Same difference.--------------

'nuff said