Say Anything

As part of Ferlie's continuing education into American pop culture, we watched "Say Anything" tonight. I hadn't seen it since it was new on video, but, ya know, we both liked it, in a nostalgic sort of way. Ferlie says she would like it more if she wasn't "so old and jaded". John Cusack is one of my favorite actors from that general genre of fluff, and he's continued to do some pretty decent stuff.

In addition to a lot of the usual suspects, this movie has small parts for Jon Favreau, Eric Stoltz, and Chynna Phillips (of Wilson Phillips infamy).

The Exorcist....it's not just for inducing labor any more

I'm sure that all of you guys have seen "The Exorcist", but Ferlotta and I watched the "director's cut" or whatever the hell the night she went into labor....coincidence? Well, I guess so, unless Rani starts turning her head around and spraying pea soup.

Sexy Beast

Watched Sexy Beast the other day. Ben Kingsley is really disturbing as the gangster determined to make the retired Ray Winstone come back for a job. Ian McShane who hovers over Deadwood like the angel of death is particularly intimidating as well.

Lord of the Losers

Paul Giamatti in RollingStone.com

I'll be your huckleberry...

Val Kilmer deliberately ruined his sex scenes with Angelina Jolie

2004's 10 best DVDs

from Entertainment Weekly

The Truth about Van Helsing and Dogs (oh what a dog this was)

This is the Van Helsing review that I wrote for IMDB:

Dollar for dollar (and there were a lot of dollars spent on this piece of
garbage), this may be one of the worst movies of the past 5 years. A decent scriptwriter and director should have been included in the huge budget. Even as mindless entertainment goes, "Van Helsing" is a pathetic waste of time. I saw it for free, and I still felt ripped off. The story-bad, special effects-poor, performances by otherwise fine actors-fair to bad,
dialogue-bad, music-inappropriate and annoying.

To paraphrase my friend Will Cockrell:
--------------------------------------
1) Take the money you were planning on spending to see Van Helsing, put it in an envelope.
2) Mail it to me.
3) Next time I see you I'll show you a picture of Kate Beckinsale
in a corset, we'll watch about an hours worth of bad video game cutscenes, and I'll punch you in the crotch.Same difference.--------------

'nuff said

Vampires, Werewolves, & Femme Action Heroes

Over the last few days we've watched three summer action movies:
League of Extraordinary Gentelemen, Van Helsing, and Underworld. I've heard varying reports on these, so I went into watching them with limited expectations. In each case I was pleasantly surprised.
L.E.G - It was probably the least of the three, but I would listen to Sean Connery read the phone book, so I wasn't unhappy. I never read the comic, so I had no preconcieved notions to be disappointed over. I was entertained. They mixed Quartermain, Dorian Grey, Jekyll & Hyde, among others. Captain Nemo was the most interesting character. Peta Wilson (La Femme Nikita) was Mina Harker - combination Vampire/Femme Action Hero.
Van Helsing - Paul hates this one. There were crap elements, like the Vampire baby sacs. But I really enjoyed the damn thing. Dracula, Frankenstien, Jekyll & Hyde, werewolves, Igor, secret papal societies protecting us from evil - what more could you ask for? It even has Wolverine firing a gas-powered automatic crossbow in 1890's. Kate Beckinsale is the sword & pistol-wielding Femme Action Hero.
Underworld was the best of these. Vampires vs. Werewolves. Lots of gunfire and Goth. This one was more stylish & noir than the other two. I like the storyline in this one better than the other two, but it was still mostly black leather & silver bullets. Kate Beckinsale was the Vampire/Femme Action hero in this one too.

None of these movies were all-time greats, but I thought they were fun & better than most of the crap on TV, which is all I ask from a summer movie.

Hatch's Christmas Gift

Everybody's favorite fat, hairy, white boy got the extended edition of Return of the King for Christmas. In honor of that wonderful movie, here's Moriarty's review of ROTK, written after it's release last year. Enjoy, all.

Tuesday, December 9, 2003
Neill Cumpston’s Glorious Review Of HOBBIT-MAN: THE KING RETURNS!!
Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...
Man, I wish Neill had been at BNAT with us this year, but he's off being a movie star these days. Yeah, that's right. Neill Cumpston is making a series of buddy cop films with Jamie Foxx. They're shooting nine of them back-to-back, and they'll release one every three weeks. Or maybe not. I'm not really sure at this point. All I know is, this man's busy. And let's face it. This is the only review you really care about. I’m just about finished with mine finally, and now that I’ve read this... it all seems so empty...
HOBBIT-MAN: THE KING RETURNS
Whenever cool movie series get to the third movie they suck dicks like they’re trying to become Emperor of Dicksuck-ylvania. George Lucas had Star Wars, and then Empire Kicks Ass, and then all of a sudden it’s Planet of Furry Faggoty Fuckheads. Then he had to make two more to feed the Suck Demon that was holding his children hostage, and those movies went beyond gay to where they’re paying old people to take a dump on them.

Even this summer, with MATRIX: SUDDENLY GAY and TERMINATOR: I LOVE COCK, the Rule of the Suck-y Third Movie got re-proven. If the third X-Men movie had come out this summer it probably would have been some crippled crock of crap where Wheelchair Charlie traps Fuck Yeah Wolverine in an illusion mind-trap where Wolverine thinks he’s a time traveler from a hundred years ago romancing Meg Ryan in right-now New York. Of course, the X-Men movie would try to redeem itself in the third act by having Wolverine realize it’s a mind-illusion and cut Meg’s head off and play dodgeball with it, but it would be too late and here comes my extra large Sprite at the screen.

But guess what? One movie series turned that rule on its head. One 3-movie series said, “Wait a minute, we’re going to make the 3rd movie SO tits it will make the FIRST two movies look gay.”

I just saw HOBBIT-MAN: THE KING RETURNS and that’s the movie I was talking about in the last paragraph. This movie will make you forget that if you stick a knife in your belly you’ll bleed to death so do not bring a knife to this movie.

It’s also, thank fucking God, LOUD. Even if you bring an iPod so you can listen to VH during the Elf parts you’ll take it off because I swear to fucking Roth you do NOT know where the next big bang is going to come from, or when something big is going to crunch someone’s skull while you picture that person getting their skull crushed is really your neighbor upstairs that plays Dido all day or that dude at the Starbucks who’s always reading and looking all smart.

Oh yeah, the movie is also 3 hours and 20 minutes, and I think it’s almost four hours if you sit through all the credits (it was all pencil sketches of the characters, which I think means they ran out of money). So if you bring some chick who’s all like, “I have a spinning class tomorrow” or “I’m thirsty” tell her to go home and watch Gay Dudes and the Straight Guy because this movie takes fucking commitment. I saw the one dude in front of me who was with this girl, and the President of Warner Brothers came out and said, “This movie is three hours and twenty minutes,” and before I could say, “So what, gaylord” the chick says to the dude she’s with that she has to GO. And he LET her go because this movie kicks so much ass you can SENSE it even before it starts. And this chick was a stone fox, and he probably could have made out with her, but he was like, “I’m going make out with this movie,” that’s how good it is. See ya, hottie.

This movie starts with the origin of Golem – that creepy guy who looks like Iggy Pop and wears Tarzan pants and wants the invisible-ring. He’s still on a quest with the two hobbits - Rudy from the film RUDY and Fredo - to throw the ring into a volcano (this is like a serious version of JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO). The ring is also evil but you keep thinking, while you watch it, that someone should put it on and check out some boobs. I have a feeling those scenes will be in the DVDs.

At the same time, the two other midget-men and the giant hippies have seriously fucked up that one evil guy’s tower (he was Count Duke in Star Wars: Every Cock in the Universe Up My Ass Part II), and they hook back up with Magneto, and also that chick with the bow and arrows and finally the Giant Midget with the Axe. Oh, and also that I Don’t Want to be the King/I Am Destined to Be the King Dude is with them, and he has this whole other story where he pretty much decides to be the King because, I mean, pussy for miles. This is where I started getting really confused, though, because they start talking about kingdoms and alliances and there’s a lot of lines like, “Rohan shall ride!” and “Gondor still stands!” and “Flabadan Son of Rectum must wear the mantle of Bloggith!” and also there’s some shit with the elves that’s like being in a fucking candle store for twenty minutes.

But the movie is only doing this to set up the BATTLE OF SHIT-YOUR-PANTS, which isn’t the actual name of the battle but SHOULD be because you will shit stuff you did not eat when you see it.

It all has to do with the fact that one of the midget-men takes this orb from the bad guy and he looks into it and sees the glowing eye’s plan (or part of it – something about a tree dying and Enya music playing). So he and Magneto go to this huge white city where the king is being a dick and just eating dinner while every puke-ugly bad-ass on the planet starts surrounding it, ready to open a Wal-Mart that only sells ball-stomp. There’s this one medium-sized battle in a city that is like the last line of defense for the Big-Ass White City and it’s pretty cool, with a lot of head-crunching and these huge flying bat demon things that I swear to God grab horses and the dudes riding them and fuck them up from the floor up. They’re really loud, too, and a lot of chicks and older people were covering their ears.

Meanwhile, Rudy and Fredo and Golem are getting closer to the volcano, and Golem makes Fredo hate Rudy, and then tricks Fredo into a cave where there’s a giant spider and FUCK that was really scary because even in real life giant spiders are bad news.

Someone told me that all of the spider stuff actually happens in the second book in the series, and that they had to tweak some of the stuff that happens in the books to make the movies work. You know what? Good. Books suck. They used to be good back when people didn’t have movies and TV and dressed like Davey Crockett. People also used to ride horses and drink tea, but now we have cars and Sprite. Move the fuck on. Peter Jackson did an amazing job adapting these books, and now the movies are so kick-ass that some people are going to go back and READ the books, which wouldn’t have happened if he’d just filmed the books exactly as they are. Happy now, smarty?

Let me give you an example of how NOT to make books into movies:

This summer a huge bucket of farts came out called LEAGUE OF ADVENTURE GENTLEMEN. It was about how a bunch of characters from old-timey books got together and fucked up bad guys. And NO ONE SAW IT. Why?

First, they picked a bunch of characters like Invisible Man and Mr. Hyde and Dracula-Woman and Huck Finn. These are all characters from books that were written five hundred years ago. Huck Finn was actually written before writing. These are the kind of books they make you read in summer school but you’re all like, “Fuck you, I’m going to play Sonic on my Sega” and you totally complete all the levels by August. So who the fuck is going to go see a movie about characters and people they’ve never heard of (the movie acts like you’re supposed to know who these people are)? Like I said before, MOVIES are the new books, so how about this for a movie (I even thought of a good title):

___________________________________________________

TEAM 1970’S FOOT-TO-ASSERS

The movie opens: A cult killer tries to assassinate Chauncey Gardiner, the President of the United States. Before the brainwashed assassin dies he gasps the word, “Cyrus” and takes a poison pill.

Senator John “Bluto” Blutarsky forms a super-team to infiltrate New York and take down the “Cyrus” cult. This team is made up of “Bruce” (from ENTER THE DRAGON), “Dirty” Harry Callahan, a now-teenaged Regan MacNeill (who is a stone boner machine and also has devil powers), “Quint” from JAWS, who’s upper torso washed ashore after the shark attacked him, and who has now been made bionic by Oscar Goldman and OSI, and finally Beau “The Bandit” Durville, who’s driving his Trans Am.

They enter New York with the Bandit driving like a fucking maniac, and Dirty Harry shooting people out the window and Regan making people’s heads explode and shit. Wow!

They get to the center of the Cyrus Cult headquarters in the middle of Central Park and confront Cyrus. He’s controlling his subjects with a glowing Chevy Malibu. Bruce goes totally Jackie Chan on everyone while Harry and the Bandit battle their way to the car. Quint dies bringing down all the cult killers, and they drive off with the Malibu. They also find out that Cyrus was trained by the Parallax Corporation.

Back at the White House, they get their next assignment. They must take down the Parallax Corporation, which is being run by Gregory Marmalarde. They are creating an Army of brainwashed super-killers at their facility at Crystal Lake. These new killers are indestructible and a step above the cult killers of Cyrus. For this phase of the mission they are joined by CIA agent Vincent J. Ricardo (from THE IN-LAWS) and off they go.

They blast their way into Parallax Headquarters, only to find their way blocked by the new generation of super-killers – hockey-mask wearing motherfuckers who have all undergone the “Vorhees treatment”. Bruce and Regan take on the killers, while Harry and Vincent go for Marmalarde. That’s when he reveals his newest, greatest killer – New York taxi driver Travis Bickle, who’s undergone the “Vorhees treatment” and is a virtual arsenal of different guns, knives – all of which appear from his wrists, chest, even eyes. Bickle killed Marmalarde’s frat brother Douglas Neidermeyer in Vietnam. Harry dies fighting Bickle, but not before killing Marmalarde. Ricardo searches the Parallax files, only to find that Parallax is only a tiny part of a much bigger, much more evil power – the Thorne Corporation, run by Damien Thorne. He has a huge facility in the Nevada desert, near Area 51.

Their final mission is to deliver the Chevy Malibu to Area 51. The Chevy contains a weapon which can defeat Thorne’s final plan.

Thorne’s compound is patrolled and protected by driverless trucks from DUEL and a bunch of those devil limousines from THE CAR. Two teams are sent in – The Bandit, driving his Trans Am with Regan and Bruce, and another driver named “Kowalski”, who will drive the Malibu along with Ricardo.

They battle their way through the devil trucks and demon limos until they penetrate Thorne’s headquarters. He’s got every character from every boring-ass indie film in the last twenty years strapped to posts in this huge chamber full of leather-y ALIEN eggs. The eggs are hatching and putting face huggers on the douche bags from WALKING AND TALKING and SEX, LIES AND VIDEOTAPES and CHASING AMY and everyone from every Henry Jaglom film ever made and killing them.

There’s nothing anyone can do – they have to stand and watch while all of these characters are slowly and horrible killed before our eyes, and they hatch into Aliens. That’s when “Kowalski” opens the trunk of the Malibu to reveal: ROY NEARY, JR. This is the half-human/half-alien offspring of Roy Neary from CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND and he starts going outer space whup-ass on the aliens along with Bruce Lee. The Bandit looks at the camera, winks, and smiles. (There can be a lot of shots during the closing credits of The Bandit cracking up).

Ricardo and Regan work their way to Thorne’s headquarters where there’s this huge demon battle between Regan MacNeill and Damien Thorne that will make the audience go, “We need new words for ‘HOLY FUCKING SHIT’”.

___________________________________________________

See? Use characters from movies thirty years ago, instead of from books five hundred years ago. And by the way, that’s only using characters from 70’s films. I also have plans for an 80’s team of ass-kickers and a 90’s team. Everyone who was into movies from before 1969 is dead, and we’d actually better hurry with the 70’s thing, now that I think of it. Also, I totally copy-wrote this with the Writer’s Society, and I also know a 400 pound man who will man-rape anyone who makes this movie without me.

Okay, back to HOBBIT-MAN, although at this point it’s just wall-to-wall awesome. The Battle for the White Mountain City has trolls and elephants and catapults and a battering ram that looks like a dragon head on fire. Also, earlier Gandalf scares off the flying bats-things with his glowing staff. In the battle for the White Mountain City Gandalf just runs around giving orders. How about turning the bad guys into babies or something with his staff? But that would actually cut down on the ass-kicking so, actually, fine.

The I Don’t Want to Be The King Guy gets a bunch of ghost warriors to fight, and that’s just awesome when it happens, and also the elf chick with the bow takes down an elephant all by herself, and the Giant Midget keeps killing people with his axe.

Then when THAT battle’s over and you’re thinking, “Just air comes out when I spooge now” they stage a whole OTHER battle at Evil Town to distract the orks so Golem and Rudy and Fredo can get to the volcano. And I won’t reveal what happens in the volcano except to say it involves Fredo and Rudy getting right to the very edge, but at the last second Fredo turns evil and decides not to throw the ring in, and puts it on instead so he turns invisible, buy Iggy shows up and bites off Fredo’s finger and Iggy falls with the ring into the lava and Evil Town is completely destroyed. You will have to find out the rest for yourselves. I hate spoilers.

You can totally leave at this point but there’s an extra half hour of everyone relaxing and going home and being happy and I guess they put that in so you can realize your pants are choked with poop from all the battle scenes, so thanks.

There’s also an Annie Lennox song over the closing credits. ????? How about Led Zeppelin’s “Ramble On”, which is where they got the name Golem, or “Ain’t Talking ‘Bout Love” by Van Halen?

Peter Jackson has proved with these films that he is the man to bring A-TEAM to the screen. Five stars. Best movie of the next four years.

Neill, it’s been too long since I’ve gotten a good whiff of the crazy off of you. Give me a call later so we can talk about our unnatural hobbit love. And thanks a million for the review, buddy.
"Moriarty" out.

Ocean's 12....they only give plots to the odd-numbered ones, it seems

Ferlotta and I took our good friend Mary Sleazy out to see Ocean's 12 last night, and really, that's all there is to it. You look at the movie, you laugh a bit, and then you go home. The writers were guilty of throwing together a story that is unengaging, though mildly amusing, and they throw the whole plot thingy together in the final minutes, avoiding any of those pesky things like foreshadowing, suspense, etc. This movie is a moderately amusing, thought-suppressing, bit of fluff, and nothing more. Wait 30 years, and watch this one on late-night TV, unless you are verrrry bored, or easily amused. Of course, people ARE stupid, so this movie may well be a hit.

The Hunted....Better than you might think...just not by that much

Last night Ferlotta and I curled up on the couch with my amazing homemade pasta alfredo (made with real olives and hot dogs), and watched.......The Hunted (no, not the lame Tommy Lee Jones/Benicio del Toro flick, the late 90's Christopher Lambert ninja movie). Here's my two cents...

Most of Christopher Lambert's filmography reads like a guide to B-movie hell. I got conned into watching this by a friend years ago, and will be forever grateful. The story is solid, Lambert turns in an almost-acceptable performance, and most of the rest of the cast does well. My favorite thing about the movie is the (by martial arts flick standards) realism. The gaijin does not miraculously learn to swing a sword like a samurai in a matter of weeks. The action sequences are exciting and well-executed (especially by 1990's b-movie standards), particularly a ninjas vs samuri scene on a Japanese bullet train. Some of the characters have a bit of complexity, there are a few little plot twists, and the character interaction is believeable. They also answer that age-old question "who'd win a fight between a middle-aged ex-athlete with a few months of kendo training and a ninja who's just lost an arm and leg"? (Lamberts's character is a former fencer turned businessman, but that bit's cut out of the dvd version, as is the monologue by Kinjo the ninja, which helps to serve---in part, at least, as an explanation as to why this movie, set in Japan, has almost an entirely Chinese cast). If you're in the mood for an fun, entertaining, semi-intelligent B-action flick, I whole-heartedly recommend this one. Oddly enough, the writer of "Pretty Woman" wrote and directed this flick, which may explain why Ferlie liked it, too. Of course, the same guy did a flick called "Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death".

Fallen, an overlooked horror/suspense gem

Fallen.......see it.......avoid Alexander, at least in the theater...


pc

Timmy's Wish

A hilarious, blasphemous, twisted look at the answering of prayers: AtomFilms - Timmy's Wish

How 'Dungeons' changed the world

"I didn't play Dungeons & Dragons all those years without learning a little something about courage. D&D article

Saved! and not the by the bell.....

We watched "Saved!" last night at Casa de Hatch. This movie surprised me immensely by:

• 1) not being the vitriolic anti-Christian film it was purported to be in the media
• 2) demonstrating that McKauley Culkin still has that magic that endeared him to us all back in the 1980's.

The movie was pretty darn funny, and I would recommend it to anyone who isn't still on a hunger-strike over Creed's switch-over to mainstream "secular" rock.

The Passion of the Clerks

No....I'm not kidding.....

www.imdb.com/title/tt0424345/

Unconditional Love

Ferlie and I watched Unconditional Love, snuggled on our couch, the only way to watch a chick-flick (assuming you weren't, as was this unfortunate writer, able to get out of it).

This movie definitely had some potential in the "feel-good" "chick-flick" genre, but the editing and direction combined for a ham-fisted mess, and most sit-coms have better writing. A cute idea, an excellent cast, and a total waste of time.

Rupert Everett, Kathy Bates, and Dan Akroyd were all well-cast, and handled the roles given them as well as humanly possible. The casting of Johnathon Pryce as the Sinatra/Elvis/Englebert Humperdink character might've worked with a better script, but as it was, it seemed either a moronic turn or a failed attempt at humor by way of mockery. The scenes with Julie Andrews breaking into song to calm riotous crowds were quite funny, and Meredith Eaton was a lot of fun as sex-crazed, hard-as-nails-but-with-a-heart-of-gold midget (the writers incorrectly labeled her a dwarf).

Misanglothropes will also find plenty of Britishness at which to point their condescending laughter.

I'm glad i "netflixed" it instead of having to live with the memory of handing over cash for this poor-quality entertainment.

Hero was amazing

I went to see Hero this weekend. It was beatifully filmed, and for while it was full of a lot of that chop-sakey kung-fu crap, it was a wonderful film. I give it my highest recommendation.

Movie-List - Sin City Trailer Page

Frank Miller's - Sin City Trailer.

TCS: Tech Central Station - Blogs v. 60 Minutes

TCS: Tech Central Station - Blogs v. 60 Minutes

Guardian Unlimited | Special reports | Paris's new slant on underground movies

Guardian Unlimited | Special reports | Paris's new slant on underground movies

Big Fish.....big deal....

Ferlotta and I watched Tim Burton's most recent example of overstylized excreta last night....Big Fish. It wasn't awful, just not that good. There were moments of brilliance, but all in all, it was poorly paced and shoddily put together, imho. After making some great movies, Burton may have fallen into the trap of believing that his every impulse is worthy of celluloid, which might explain his last 2 crappy movies----Big Fish, and Planet of the Apes.....hopefully, he'll get back on track.

John "Pinwheel" Hughes

Last night Ferlotta and I had a wonderful surprise...."Not another teen movie".....If you grew up watching the cheesy teener movies like John Hughes', you'll get almost every joke....this is a wonderful satire of the teener angst genre, but it still has it's own amusing story, which most satire films seem to lack. On the DVD, the deleted scenes are very much worth watching, and the alternate ending is better, imho, than the one they used. Molly Ringwald has a cameo, and I must say that she has aged poorly, and her acting is worse than ever.

WHATEVER: Science Fiction Films: Which Are the Most Significant?

WHATEVER: Science Fiction Films: Which Are the Most Significant?

Alien vs Predator vs Akira Kurosawa vs Sarah Michelle Geller


Yesterday, while my lovely wife was working to support me, I could find nothing better to do than pull a Chunn and watch some bad sci-fi. Mary Sleazy and I went to see Alien vs Predator.

AVP is not art, but it is certainly wild and crazy fun once the "monsters" took over. AVP will seem like a mindless romp to non-fans, but if you are steeped in the lore of the two series (and their attendant novels and comics) you'll find a lot to enjoy. The dialogue wasn't very good, but the writers probably didn't feel that the target audience would care....well, for me, at least, they were wrong. The dialogue and the character interactions were what set the first two Alien movies and "Predator" apart from other slasher/space/action films. The movie had it's problems, but it didn't suck.

After AVP, Ferlie and I settled down for a nice evening's Akira Kurosawa film. We saw "Kumonosu jô" aka "Throne of Blood", which is heralded as one of the best movies ever made. Well, I cannot agree with that assessment, though I did enjoy it. Artistically, it does eclipse AVP in several respects. For those who don't know, "Throne of Blood" is Kurosawa's telling of Shakespeare's "MacBeth". Some would argue that this is just another instance of some slanty-eyed S.O.B. ripping off the white man's work for their own evil, Asian purposes. Since my wife is Asian, I'd better not be one of those people. I should note, however, that my evil Asian wife did fall asleep during the flick, so interpret that how you will.

"Throne of Blood" is beautifully filmed in black and white, and the costumes, sets, and scenery are wonderful. There were very few movies made in the late 1950s that had such production values. The performances were quite good, but American movie-goers beware---they are very Japanese (so much of the stuff that is wonderful in the eyes of fans of Japanese cinema, will seem sorta goofy to fans of stupid crap like Van Helsing).

I am very much interested in seeing "Rashomon" which I see most often at the list of top Japanese films. Any recommendations?

Also, you must go look at www.doyouhaveagrude.com which is the site for the American-market re-make of "Ju-On", which was a pretty creepy. I don't know how "The Grudge" will be, but the Americanized version of "Ringu" was good, so I have high hopes, despite Sarah Michelle Geller's starring role.

Arthur, Lancelot, and "Those We Do Not Speak Of".

Last night, Ferlie, our friend Mary Sleazy, and I went to see King Arthur and The Village. We had heard bad things about both, and were pleasantly surprised in both cases.

King Arthur follows a pseudo-historic storyline about Artorious Crassus, a Roman Knight of mixed-Briton blood who, as the Roman Empire withdraws from the British Isle, decides to stay on, defend the Britons from a Saxon invasion, and become King. The movie, so long as you don't try to apply a rigid historic or logical judgement, does nothing terribly wrong. The performances are all at least competent, and the story and it's dialogue are acceptable. Even the (cough) kick-ass Guinevere wasn't too bad, until she's swing swords and going toe to toe with battle-hardened Saxon warriors. The costumes wouldn't satisfy the nit-picking of historians or SCA types, but they are not godawfully bad. The thing is, the movie does nothing really well. I'm not surprised to read that it isn't expected to make a profit. Better luck next time Jerry and Antoine, just try not to use the trite trench full of fiery goop set to light with flaming arrows, unless you're just determined to do a Beastmaster homage.

The Village was roundly criticized by almost everyone that I personally know (with the exception of Eugenius and Clovis). Ferlie and I enjoyed it immensely. Shyamalan created an intensely creepy atmosphere, and within it told an imaginative story with his trademark twist at (or near) the end. William Hurt and Sigourney Weaver may have resurrected (or re-defined) their careers with the supporting roles that they nailed. This is not a movie for the low-brow fan, or one for someone expecting great monster effects and gore.

Ferlotta and I saw The Bourne Supremacy the other night, and, while it's certainly not great cinema, it was a lot of fun. Matt Damon plays the Jason Bourne role well, and the supporting cast were close to flawless. Brian Cox even managed to (almost) make up for his terrible turn as Agammenon in Troy. If you want a fun, not-t00 stupid cloak and dagger flick, this is for you.

Putting the "F" back in Freedom

From The GateTree: The boys who made South Park are after liberal-scmiberals and terrorists, with a true Thunderbirds motif:TEAM AMERICA.

Guardian Unlimited Film | Features | The ones that got away

Five epic films that five of the greatest film directors were never able to complete: Guardian Unlimited: The ones that got away.

The Shadow of the Vampire

Last night, the little brown woman stopped vomiting long enough to watch a pretty damn weird movie.  I liked it, and Wilhem Defoe was incredible (especially since he wasn't wearing the goofy green goblin mask).  We generally like John Malkovich, and he certainly didn't disappoint in his portrayal of Maunhrrrhrhrhrh or however the hell you spell it.  The basic storyline is "the making of Nosferatu", and is "based on real events", except, of course, for the ones that were made up.  See it, you'll like it, and those of you on this blog will no doubt catch a lot of little hidden in-jokes.

pc

Spidey Dalawa and Robot Ako

The little brown woman and I went to a Spidey2 and I, Robot double feature.  We enjoyed both of them---just not that much. 

 Spidey2 was a fun, flashy, big-screen comic book that thankfully had a little more plot and a lot less "Willem DeFoe in power ranger garb" than the original.  Tobey McGuire does a very good job with the Peter Parker character.

I, Robot was more fun than I'd anticipated.  The script would give Isaac Asimov a heart attack (sustained while anally raping Jeff Vintar with a red-hot poker), but was fun to watch, and required about the same level of intellect as a low-end episode of star trek.  The effects merged very well with the story, and I only rarely felt the need to hit somebody.  Will Smith was very personable, and most of the performances were quite good.  The script just needed an overhaul.

If I'd had to pay theater price to watch either one, i'd be mildy annoyed, but seeing either one for free would be a good deal.

pc

My Way News

Marlon Brando is dead. Odd, angry, and his own man.

Joining blogger

- Just go to Blogger and set up an account.
- Then login and accept the invitation to join our blog.
- "Movie Skeptics" should then be on your dashboard.

You can post by clicking on "Create new post".
You can also post by using the google toolbar "blog this" which is covered in the next post.

"Blog This" on Google toolbar

If you go to Google & click on "more" and then scroll down & click on Google Toolbar and download it, then once it installs choose the options button & click the box for "Blog This", now anytime to want to blog a page, you click on the orange B & it will open a little window in which you can write your post.

Trying to make it happen

I know the html can be a pain. I want us to be able to harrass each other with movies, but if it is too much trouble, that's okay too.
Note that the posts are published with the new ones at top, I've just manipulated the times on these (under "more options") to get them in the order I wanted.
E-mail (or look across the room) and tell me what you think.